Domestic Violence and the Church: What You Can Do!

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Battered Women in the Body of Christ

A while back I came across a truly sad story about domestic violence and the church in the SMH.

Ten years ago I was in the middle of a situation that an anti-domestic expert called "intimate partner terrorism". My then husband was supposedly a Christian, a very pious, rather obsessive one. He was a great amateur preacher, very encouraging to his friends and evangelistically inclined. He led Bible studies. He wanted to train for the ministry. He just had one little problem. He liked psychologically torturing me. And dragging me by the hair around our apartment. And punching me – hard, whilst telling me how pathetic I was. He gave me lists with highlighted sections of Bible passages about nagging wives and how I should submit to him. I was subjected to almost the full catalogue of abusive behaviour.

This is a sad tale about a supposedly Christian marriage, what makes it even sadder is that it is not uncommon.

John Harrower, the former Anglican bishop of Tasmania, gave a great talk on this topic all the way back in 2004, and the main points are still valid today (see here).

According to Harrower, some mistakes Christians have made:

• We have fooled ourselves that domestic violence does not happen in Christian homes - thus we have failed to hear and failed to believe.

• We have clutched at simplistic tools.

• We have wrongly applied 'forgiveness'

• We have overestimated the power and influence of our having a 'word to the offender.'

• The tools we have given perpetrators have been inadequate.

• We have assisted him or her to evade reality or the need to do the deep work of change.

• We have short-changed on what repentance needs to look like.

• We have underestimated the grip wrong behaviour has in lives.

• We have failed to direct to professionals who may be able to assist in the hard work of change.

• We have been tempted to collude that this behaviour is just a matter of private morality for the offender, under-emphasising the fact that the behaviour is also a crime, and that there are very long term consequences for victims.

• The tools we have given victims have often been simplistic,

• Often advocating forgiveness prematurely.

• Often implying that forgiveness only has one shape - the automatic reinstatement of someone back to the same position from which they can still harm others.

But what can you do?

Ridley College is offering an inexpensive and accessible lay-level online course that you can do either on your own on or as part of a group. It is called Responding to Domestic Violence and it is presented by domestic violent expert Erica Hamence. It covers:

• Lesson 1: The nature and dynamics of DFV

• Lesson 2: Spiritual abuse

• Lesson 3: How to teach helpfully

• Lesson 4: How to respond to disclosures of abuse

• Lesson 5: How to care for a survivor long-term

• Lesson 6: Responding to people who choose to use violence

This course is, I submit, a biblically informed and pastorally pro-active way that churches can be trained to recognize and respond to domestic and family violence. Do you and your church a favor, sign up!