Five Things I Wish Egalitarians Knew About Complementarianism

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I teach in a college where faculty, staff, and students have diverse views about gender, ministry, and family. Now, I’m clearly an advocate for the egalitarian side, I can push back pretty hard on some complementarian weirdness and flat-out nastiness towards women. But, I don’t want to just talk about complementarians, I also want to talk to them, because I do that every day at my college. Plus, nobody’s mind gets changed by name-calling someone “pernicious patriarchs” or “commy feminists.” So in the interest of genuine conversation and fairness, I’ve invited my colleague and friend Rev. Dr. Andy Judd to write on “Five Things I Wish Egalitarians Knew About Complementarianism.”

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1. It’s a broad field (and those guys at the edge scare me too)

I’ve read that book where it says dads shouldn’t spend too much time childrearing lest it confuses their understanding of gender roles. I would write a book about how stupid that is, but I’m too busy at home looking after my kids so my wife can go to work. 

I’ve met those weak men who can’t date a woman who is smarter or more powerful than them. Who think that women are inherently more gullible. Who can’t imagine what a woman might contribute to theological discussion. (And worse.) 

I find these views as disturbing as you do. I think they are sub-biblical. Some are also clearly sin.

Like all multi-dimensional issues, our answers to questions about the relationship between the sexes, family structures, and ministry roles are going to map onto a deep field of positions. There will be plenty of room for extreme views. Wherever you draw the line down the middle, lots of us will have more in common with those on the other side of that line than we do with the lunatic fringe. So believe me when I say that… 

2. I love what you’re fighting for (no, really)

We make sense of these debates by talking about the two sides, but it’s really important to me that you know my view isn’t the opposite of yours. We (the non-lunatic-fringe, on both sides) are in furious agreement over some of the most important and precious biblical principles in this discussion. 

Recently a student was genuinely puzzled by how much I emphasized the equality between sexes in my Genesis class. ‘Aren’t you a complementarian?’ Here’s the thing: we are reading the same Bible. And if we are all doing our best to honour the same biblical principles (and the egalitarians and complementarians I hang around all are) then we shouldn’t expect to end up with diametrically opposed views. It should be no surprise that I affirm much of what you (rightly) say the Bible teaches about equality. And I love that you are fighting based on biblical conviction to ensure that truth is honoured. 

I know our differences do matter. But please don’t let our disagreement over the important details obscure our precious shared convictions. Casting complementarians as by definition against equality and for the oppression of women is powerful rhetoric (and standard Twitter-craft), so I get why someone who is passionate about their position might be tempted to overstate our differences. But doing so obscures our furious agreement over things that matter to us all. For instance …      

3. I think the church needs more female leaders (because I’m a complementarian)

I think men and women are equal, but they’re not the same. We need each other to exercise our God-imaging ministry over the earth. Sexual differences are subtle and easily become silly stereotypes. But something is lost when a room full of men tries to make all the decisions alone. (And, dare I suggest, vice versa.)

This is the considered conclusion of my complementarian theology. And it motivates me, practically, to spend lots of energy trying to encourage more young women (as well as men) that they have the gifts and character that the church desperately needs right now. It means most of my professional life is spent trying to equip women (as well as men) for ministry. I have come to realize recently that as a male minister and lecturer in a male-dominated space, I have a particular responsibility to invest in encouraging and mentoring women. 

Perhaps if I thought men and women were less distinct I would care less about this issue (or maybe I would still care, but for different reasons). But one thing is for sure… 

4. No, I’m not ‘really an egalitarian’ (though it looks like it to you)

So yeah, I’m a convinced complementarian by theology. But I also work part-time so I can stay at home and look after our kids while my wife (who is an ordained Anglican minister) goes to work. We moved to Melbourne for her work originally, not mine (it was a year later that I landed the job at Ridley). 

From the outside, you might have a hard time telling the difference between how we run our lives and how an egalitarian couple might. I’m actually totally fine with that. Same Bible (see above). But that doesn’t mean I’m confused about my theological position, or that it doesn’t affect me practically. Two things. First, as we saw above multi-dimensional issues can produce a broad field. I know many complementarian women who happily preach on Sundays because they locate the teaching office in their (male) senior pastor. It’s all about how their complementarian theology meets their ecclesiology and homiletics in practice. Theirs it’s not at all an egalitarian position, even though it can look similar from a distance.

Second, the reason why people do things is actually important. The reason I happily moved for my wife’s job is not because I had a sudden lapse back into the egalitarian theology of my youth. It’s because I believe that if headship means anything it’s that my job is to make whatever sacrifices I need to to try to ensure what’s best for Steph and what enables her to use her gifts. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do. 

You might well do the same as an egalitarian out of love – good, I’m in all for love too! But let’s not let the lens of pragmatism stop us from asking the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’. 

5. Happy for you to change my mind (it has before and here’s how)

I have no doubt that some people hold complementarian views out of laziness, lack of consideration of alternatives, or a deep-seated misogynism. But for most complementarians I know, it all rests on an honest conviction about what the Bible teaches. 

I mention this because my wife and I haven’t always held the positions we do now, and it was studying the Bible that changed our minds. I’m not saying that egalitarians don’t take the Bible seriously. (I readily accuse Mike Bird, for example, of many things, but not that.) But if you want to change my mind, it’s going to probably be a compelling biblical and theological argument that does it. 

Rev. Dr. Andy Judd (PhD University of Sydney) is Lecturer in Old Testament at Ridley College, Melbourne, Australia. You can read his blog and follow him @andrewdjudd.