If Donald Trump Wrote the Sermon on the Mount

Photo by History in HD on Unsplash

Look, I don’t want to be blatantly partisan on this substack. Yet as many of you can probably figure out, I’m not a Trump fan. To be fair, under the right circumstances, I can give a balanced appreciation of Trump, the good, bad, and ugly. I can say positive things about what his administration achieved in four short years. But on the whole, whether it is the “big steal” or his horrid misogyny or race-baiting, nope, I don’t like him.

But I did a weird thing the other day. I asked ChatGPT to re-write the Sermon on the Mount in the style on Donald Trump. Here is what it came up with:

Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you something, okay? We've got a tremendous crowd here today, tremendous. Believe me, this is gonna be the greatest sermon you've ever heard, nobody does sermons like me, nobody. I've got the best words, the best ideas, and let me tell you, it's gonna be huge!

Now, let's talk about being blessed. You know, I'm a very blessed person, very blessed. People come up to me all the time, they say, "Donald, you're so blessed." And they're right, folks, they're absolutely right. Blessed are the winners, let me tell you. We're gonna win so much, you're gonna get tired of winning. That's how blessed we are.

Now, let's talk about being meek. Meekness is good, but I like strength. I like people who are strong, who know how to negotiate, who know how to make deals. I mean, look at me, I'm a very strong person, very strong. And you know what? I love dealing with other strong people, it's fantastic. We're gonna negotiate the best deals, the best deals in history. That's how we're gonna make America powerful again!

And let me tell you something about mercy. Mercy is a wonderful thing, but sometimes, folks, you gotta be tough. You gotta be tough, okay? We can't let these other countries walk all over us. We can't let them take advantage of us. We're gonna be strong, we're gonna be tough, and we're gonna put America first. That's how we're gonna be shown mercy, folks. We're gonna win, win, win!

Now, let's talk about peacemakers. Peacemakers are good, but you know what? We're gonna be winners. We're gonna be strong, and we're gonna have peace through strength. That's how we're gonna do it. We're gonna have the strongest military, the best military, nobody's gonna mess with us. That's how we're gonna bring peace to the world, folks. We're gonna be winners, trust me.

And finally, let's talk about persecution. You know, I've been through a lot of persecution, folks. People say all sorts of things about me, but you know what? I don't let it get to me. I keep going, I keep fighting, and I keep winning. That's what we're gonna do, folks. We're gonna overcome all the obstacles, all the fake news, and we're gonna keep winning. That's how we're gonna be rewarded, big time!

So, folks, remember this, remember what I'm telling you today. We're gonna be blessed, we're gonna be strong, and we're gonna be winners. It's gonna be tremendous, believe me. Thank you, thank you very much!

You gotta admit, doesn’t quite have the same feel as the original Sermon on the Mount, does it?