Is Monogamy Declining and Polyamory Rising?
I imagine I am not alone in noticing that there is a lot more “stuff” in the air about non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships.
I count no less than four articles on this topic over at Quillette about monogamy and polyamory (here, here, here, and here).
Plus, there is a great interview at God Forbid on Monogamy: Is it still the gold standard of intimate relationships? featuring Dr. Justin Toh from the Centre for Public Christianity.
In addition, on the streaming service MAX is the show Polyfamily, a TLC reality series that follows the lives of two married couples, Alysia and Tyler, and Sean and Taya, who have formed a "closed quad" polyamorous relationship. They live together with their five children and redefine family as they navigate their relationships and life together.
There seems to be five lines of argument for legalizing polyamory.
First, personal autonomy where consenting adults should be able to love whoever and as many people as they want in any kind of web of relationships.
Second, many cultures practice polygamy, esp. in Africa, the Middle East, and even among Mormons in the USA.
Third, there is a kind of Darwinian view in some quarters that the strongest, sexiest, and wealthiest of men are entitled to have as many women, wives, mistresses, and girlfriends as they can attract, afford, and keep.
Fourth, there is already legal precedent for polyamorous marriage since you can be in a de jure marriage to your spouse while you are in a de facto marriage with someone else (i.e. you leave your spouse for someone else). Also, in some circumstances, a man in a polygamous marriage in one country can immigrate to another country with his wives even though bigamy and polygamy are outlawed in the new country. And - get this - both wives can get social security benefits!
Utah has decriminalized polygamy.
The city council of Somerville, Massachusetts voted on legal protections for multi-partner relationships.
An article in The Economist published a while back noted how polyamory is gradually getting more legal recognition in many places: Polyamory is getting slivers of legal recognition in America: Searching for rights in a monogamous world.
Fifth, if people are bisexual, then it would be allegedly unfair to insist that they can only be in a committed and legal relationship with one person of one sex when their sexual appetites and romantic interests encompass both sexes. According to an LGBTIQ+ advocacy lawyer, Alexander Chen: “While polyamorous relationships come in a wide variety of forms, at their core is the idea that people should be able to choose how they shape their families, including how many consenting adults they wish to be included.”
More recently, Wheaton Grad and ex-evangelical theologian David Congdon has been working on a book about the Christian case for polyamory titled: Unnatural Love: A Theology of Polyamory which he says is under contract with Fordham University Press. See his TikTok video below.
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What do I think?
Well, I believe that polyamory is wrong!
Why? Because it combines a Greek prefix with a Latin suffix.
It should be polyphilia (Greek) or multi-amory (Latin).
You can’t put Greek and Latin syllables together, stick them in a 1970s lounge with some Barry Manilow playing, and watch them have group sex! Who wants to cuddle up with a guy called Georgio Berlusconipopodoplous and his girlfriend Stephani Metaxacelli? I say, keep your Greek and Latin separated by the Adriatic Sea!
But seriously …