What I'd Say to Harrison Butker

Harrison Butker is a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, apparently they won a “thingy” earlier this year, and Butker is well-known for his traditional Catholic beliefs.

By Airman 1st Class William Lunn. From wikimedia commons

As it goes, Butker was the commencement speaker at Benedictine College, a private Catholic liberal arts school in Kansas. During his address, Butker congratulated the women receiving degrees but added - needlessly if you ask me - that most of the women were probably more excited about the prospect of getting married and having children.

“I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you,” Butker said.

“Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say that her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother,” he said.

Butker described how his wife had embraced “one of the most important titles of all. Homemaker.”

I have found mixed responses to Butker’s address online. On X, one woman wrote:

Dear Harrison Butker, I’m a woman with multiple advanced degrees and a fulfilling career. I am also happily married and am a loving, devoted mother to my children. It is entirely possible for women to be all of those things at the same time.

But in his court, another woman with several degrees added:

Can we start a trend with women with degrees and careers but agree with Harrison Butker’s speech? I’ll go first: my name is Noelle, I have three degrees, and I agree that the world needs more masculinity and that wives/mothers are vital for society.

The NFL has officially distanced itself from Butker’s words, but the women’s version of his Chiefs jersey has sold out! So it’s clearly a mixed response!

If Butker were Anglican and one my flock, here is what I’d tell him.

Dear Harrison, you’ve kicked up quite a fuss with your commencement speech, here’s what you need to know.

First, on the plus side.

You are a Christian man who loves God, is devoted to your wife, appreciates your wife, and aspires to be a good husband and father. Hi five bro!

You are better than many NFL players for whom women are sexual playthings and as soon as they impregnate them they abandon them.

You are trying to call women to the happiness and service that your wife enjoys.

But brother, there’s something you don’t see, something you don’t notice, and something you’re not getting. Let me break it down for you …

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First, not every woman is going to get married, and then among those that do, not every woman can have children or needs to have children. There is nothing wrong with celebrating someone being a wife and a mother. But if you valorize it too much, then you alienate the many woman who, by circumstances or calling, do not get married or do not have children. Many women are single by choice, others are single by death, divorce, or desertion. They are not believing a Satanic lie, they are often following a different path to your wife Isabelle, or else trying to play the cards that they have been dealt.

Second, the notion of “homemaker” is a modern concept. It is only possible due to an affluent, consumerist, and suburban economy and culture. You’re an NFL player, you don’t need two incomes to pay the bills, to keep a roof over your head, and put food on the table. But for most places in America and the rest of the world, that is not the case. Do not look down on those mothers who have to work, and having a degree means that they can get better work.

Third, do some reading. Read about women in the Bible, read the stories of Jael and Mary Magdalene, have a close look at Proverbs 31, read about the female martyrs, read about the lives of female saints, read some female authors like Flannery O’Connor and Dorothy Day. Try to view the world, just for a moment, through the eyes of women, their struggles, their experiences, and their needs and concerns.

Fourth, consider the words of some of your well-intentioned critics, including the sisters of Mount St. Scholastica, who sponsor of Benedictine College. They wish you to know:

One of our concerns was the assertion that being a homemaker is the highest calling for a woman. We sisters have dedicated our lives to God and God’s people, including the many women whom we have taught and influenced during the past 160 years. These women have made a tremendous difference in the world in their roles as wives and mothers and through their God-given gifts in leadership, scholarship, and their careers. 

Our community has taught young women and men not just how to be “homemakers” in a limited sense, but rather how to make a Gospel-centered, compassionate home within themselves where they can welcome others as Christ, empowering them to be the best versions of themselves. We reject a narrow definition of what it means to be Catholic. We are faithful members of the Catholic Church who embrace and promote the values of the Gospel, St. Benedict, and Vatican II and the teachings of Pope Francis.

Now go in peace and kick that ball to the glory of God!