I recently came across this tweet from the ever-insightful Anthony Bradley: Domestic and Family Violence (DFV) is an endemic scourge in our society. It should be widely known that men are the main perpetrators and women and children are the main victims. It’s bad, it’s terrible, it’s demonic. It happens in churches too, even in ministry families. In Australia, on average, one woman a week is killed by her partner. It is evil!
Abuse comes in many forms. My mother had paranoid breaks from reality, but otherwise was an upright Christian woman. The result was that sometimes I was greeted with love and sometimes with accusation of an imaginary evil. As a teen we boys tended to retreat to my oldest brother's room, the farthest from my parents, when mom was having one of her "spells" as we called them. (My undergraduate degree is in psychology and I have plenty of graduate study in counseling - it was a form of self-healing) I never saw physical abuse, only anger and accusation, although I hear through the wall at night such speech and accusations of my father as to live in fear that she might take out that anger in physical violence, such as a knife in the night. The church (in which Dad was the leading elder) did not, to my knowledge, know. The world did not know. Dad did not name it to me until just before my marriage (early in their marriage he had been advised by a psychiatrist to commit her to an institution). I would only have names for and understanding starting during university. I honor Dad for his commitment over the years, coping as best he could. And I honor Mom for how she was my first catechist in the faith and generally loving and tolerant (especially of strange pets I would get) and supportive during my study and later career. She (as well as Dad) is at rest, now, and had been and is healed of the "demons" which oppressed her (and seem to have run in her family). Jesus has spoken peace to her soul over that which she could not control. We who still live are still working through the results, but it is one reason why, although my career has been in biblical scholarship, I have been involved in counseling and family emotional systems and probably why I married a woman who would later become a professional counselor. One seeks to bring the healing to others for which did not exist to be brought to you and yours at that time.
I know that some women are evil and narcistic too-can drive a kind man to suicide. Very hard to spot. This happened to a close friend of mine-as we were driving to the mans funeral, she asked me lots of questions -comparing her to my ex. They had the same M.O. Very sad and creepy.
I am grateful especially when a man truly understands DFV, a rare and beautiful thing.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Abuse comes in many forms. My mother had paranoid breaks from reality, but otherwise was an upright Christian woman. The result was that sometimes I was greeted with love and sometimes with accusation of an imaginary evil. As a teen we boys tended to retreat to my oldest brother's room, the farthest from my parents, when mom was having one of her "spells" as we called them. (My undergraduate degree is in psychology and I have plenty of graduate study in counseling - it was a form of self-healing) I never saw physical abuse, only anger and accusation, although I hear through the wall at night such speech and accusations of my father as to live in fear that she might take out that anger in physical violence, such as a knife in the night. The church (in which Dad was the leading elder) did not, to my knowledge, know. The world did not know. Dad did not name it to me until just before my marriage (early in their marriage he had been advised by a psychiatrist to commit her to an institution). I would only have names for and understanding starting during university. I honor Dad for his commitment over the years, coping as best he could. And I honor Mom for how she was my first catechist in the faith and generally loving and tolerant (especially of strange pets I would get) and supportive during my study and later career. She (as well as Dad) is at rest, now, and had been and is healed of the "demons" which oppressed her (and seem to have run in her family). Jesus has spoken peace to her soul over that which she could not control. We who still live are still working through the results, but it is one reason why, although my career has been in biblical scholarship, I have been involved in counseling and family emotional systems and probably why I married a woman who would later become a professional counselor. One seeks to bring the healing to others for which did not exist to be brought to you and yours at that time.
I don’t know what to say, but thanks for sharing Dr. Bird.
I am sorry for your pain.
I know that some women are evil and narcistic too-can drive a kind man to suicide. Very hard to spot. This happened to a close friend of mine-as we were driving to the mans funeral, she asked me lots of questions -comparing her to my ex. They had the same M.O. Very sad and creepy.
I am grateful especially when a man truly understands DFV, a rare and beautiful thing.