Between Christmas Joy and the Cruelty of Death

Photo by mila f. on Unsplash

This Christmas has proved to be a difficult one for me.

My mother had been battling a brain tumor and severe dementia for 26 years and I received a phone call last Thursday that she was rapidly declining. As I raced to the airport to get the next flight to Brisbane, I received the news that she had passed away. At once I felt a strange mix of grief, guilt, and … relief. Her suffering was over, but I was not able to be with her at the very end, to keep watch with her, to comfort her through her last moments, and to say my final words to her.

Such news comes in the same week as hearing that D.A. Carson’s Parkinson’s condition has deteriorated further and also that Richard B. Hays is in hospice care and is preparing to depart this life. Two of my favourite scholars and biggest intellectual influences face their mortal coil’s fraility and their susceptibility to disease and death.

This Christmas season seems soured with the stench of sadness and death.

So I feel an acute melancholy this day. My relationship with my mother was complex, but I always knew that deep down she loved me. In addition, in talking to my aunt recently, I learned more of the back story as to why my mother was the particular person that she was, what she had been through, which did explain much of what I went through in my own relationship with her.

On the upside, it has meant spending a lot of time with my brother, together grieving, going through Mum’s things, and remembering the best of her. It has been a wonderful time in that respect.

Also, on Sunday I had the pleasure of worshipping at Pentecostal church in Brisbane, Life and Legacy Church in Browns Plains, where the worship was joyous and the sermon reminded us that tyrants such as Herod and even death cannot stop the life and joy that entered the world with Jesus. Pastor Kim introduced himself to us and then on hearing of our grief, politely and gently prayed for my brother and I who were attending. It was a welcomed respite from the grief and stress of the previous days.

So, amidst the grief, I’m grateful that on Christmas Eve, I will have the chance to say farewell to her at a funeral, together with family to celebrate Mum’s memory and to commend her to mercy of God. It’s been a while since I have presided at a funeral, but I am looking forward to it. To show love to our mother one more time.

Sorry to ruin anyone’s yuletide high, but I know many friends who are also celebrating Christmas without loved ones for the first time. Just writing to say I share your grief!

It is a time of year of mixed emotions for many. And yet even with the frailty of life and tragedy of death, we are confident in our hope, that Jesus is the way that divine life came into the world, and he has promised that where he is, there we too shall be, where all things sad become untrue.

Advent greetings to everyone and may the light and life of Jesus shine on you all in abundance.