Church and Gender After the Barbie Movie
The Barbie Movie is now the top-grossing film for Warner Brothers.
I did a review previously, which I stand by. I like the movie’s critique of patriarchy and male fragility, but I’m disturbed by the film’s inability to envisage positive relationships between men and women.
Whether you loved it, hated it, or feel “meh” about it, what are the important lessons we can take away from The Barbie Movie for the church today?
Well, if you’re interested, I have four things we can learn and apply to church cultures about male/female relationships. They are:
1. Women Live by Invisible Rules
2. Men Are Afraid of Women
3. Women are Tired of Men, mostly
4. Can We Be Good for Each Other?
Women Live by Invisible Rules
What men need to know is that women experience the world differently. Men don’t have to do the same threat assessments that women did walking down the street or when encountering a man at the door. Men don’t have to worry about sexism and misogyny in the workplace like women do.
What is more, women live by unwritten rules, rules like, “Laugh politely if a man says something stupid or offensive towards you” or “Don’t speak over a man even if he just spoke over you,” or “It is safer to suffer in silence than to voice complaints,” etc.
We can find the same thing in Christian contexts. Depending on your precise species of church sub-culture, women too have to live by written rules. Rules that apply to dress and decorum (stylish but not sexy), only expressing their opinions in absolute humility (its a sin to be uppity), never directly challenging a man’s opinion, never rejecting male criticism (less you be called “Jezebel",” and more.
What will create a genuine complementary gender culture in churches is when those invisible rules become visible to men and when the unfairness of those rules becomes known to men. And the men recognize that it ain’t right and do something about it.
Men Are Afraid of Women
Men can be afraid that they’ll be regarded as woman-like by other men and that women might be better than them in almost any activity except the most stereo-typical feminine activities.
I’ll never forget the time in my mid-20s, when I got beat in a 5 km run by a female runner. I was grieving for the beginning of the end of my prime, but there was also a little bit of chauvinism as well I have to confess, I did groan that a female had bested me in a physical contest.
The antidote is that men have to learn that it is okay if there is a woman who is better than them at biblical interpretation, sport, preaching, worship leading, leadership, public speaking, or changing spark plugs. Not everything has to be a competition, either between men or between men and women.
You can tell a lot about a man by what he fears. There are some things men should fear: the shame of adultery, addiction to porn, failing to be a supporter to friends and family, or losing their adulting skills. But men should not fear that a woman might be better than them at something that is a traditional male role, whether fixing car engines or running a church service. Men should not fear that they carry qualities often associated with women, like empathy, vulnerability, and physical weakness (we all age into physical weakness at some point!).
If more men had female role models, women they looked up to and admired, this would be less of a problem.
So let me say this: Hi, my name is Mike, and my wife Naomi is better with power tools than me. I know women who are better preachers than me and some women are better scholars than me. I like musical theatre and I love the color purple. And I’m okay with that.
Women are Tired of Men, Mostly
Women can get “man fatigue” if they have to endure a constant stream of toxic or unhealthy interactions with men.
The upside is that good men and good relationships with men are a joy to women.
Seriously, having a supportive male boss, colleague, dad, brother, hubby, or friend is a Godsend. Every lady needs her home-boys.
All the more so because the daily grind of being ignored, mistreated, or intimidated by men is taxing.
At church, women should feel encouraged, not taxed and tapped out by interacting with men.
Can We Be Good for Each Other?
I think the Barbie Movie treats men and women as potential threats who are better off seeking authenticity away from each other.
To that end, I hope churches, of all flavours and types, can model before the world that men and women are good together and make each other’s lives better.
I think we need to demonstrate in our public life, ministries, churches, and family, that men and women are one in Christ Jesus. Yes, there are differences, and those differences matter, they can be good took, but we complement each other, and at our best we are good for each other.
Christian men can enhance and enable the Christian life of women.
Christian women can enhance and enable the Christian life of men.
It doesn’t have to be a contest. Nobody needs/should be afraid. I am not “Kenough” without my sisters in Christ.
We can do our life in Christ together for the better.
I would also add that it seems that, not only do men often not appreciate being bested by a woman in a physical contest or such, but they don’t like to hear anything challenging from a woman. Especially in the evangelical subculture, women are taught to treat men more or less as snowflakes if they have something challenging, or instructive, or critical to say, because, you know, the Patriarchy. Never mind common courtesy and diplomacy; women are supposed to be manipulative and to pussyfoot in order to be heard. I wish we could level the playing field so we can all speak clearly and directly with one another without being considered harsh or offensive.
Every time I hear a man articulate my experience as a woman in a way that acknowledges the pain and exhaustion, it heals my heart a little bit more. Thank you.