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I used to talk to my son when he was younger about the fact that men tend to be physically stronger than women, and that he should always use that strength to protect and care for those who are physically weaker. That part of being a man is taking care of those in his care... I don’t think that’s sexist, it’s just reality, that men *tend* to be stronger than women and that inequality needs to be addressed.

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I would value encouragement to be authentic and genuine Christian men and women , loving God and neighbour, living out and obeying God's word (- avoiding jargon and old-fashioned terms).

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I was thinking the same thing - thanks for articulating this!

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I wonder if the word that we're looking for is "respect" but not in the sense of "to be treated like an authority" but in the sense of "to be treated like an equal person". eg. The phrase "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" in the mouth of males often ends up meaning "if you don't treat me like an authority, I will treat you as a thing" - this is what Eggerichs means when he says "men want respect, women want love": men want to be treated as an authority; women want to be treated as people.

I don't know what word to otherwise use; most of the ones we have come with baggage, or, like the word "respect", they mean different things to different speakers/listeners.

The Holy Post podcast talked about men and masculinity in their recent episode: that two of the indicators of "manhood" status across all cultures and times that were researched were 'responsibility' and 'protection' - not just of the family unit, but of the broader community. That's not to say that these are not things that women (or non-men) cannot do, or that they need to be exclusively the province of the male. However, these are - broadly speaking - markers of masculinity and we admire them when they are done with 'respect' - with honor and consideration and personal humility.

I wonder, also, how much the insistence on a distinct gender binary from certain sections of society limits the development of your idea of "chivalry". If we make gender to be boxes and then insist people pick one or the other, then the mode of classification becomes extremely rigid: "men are this and women are that" and then your gender identification tends to become dependent on being The Most Extreme/Performative Version of that classification. It also becomes important that You Don't Let Anyone Lessen Your Action/Performance - so there's no space for a man to stand aside when (fr ex) a woman is carrying something Because Men Carry Things (They Don't Stand Aside) instead of Men Help Those Who Need Help (But Don't Override Those Who Can Help Themselves).

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